The Agbero Blog

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Monkey Returns!

For two full weeks, I was inside my room. I no fit comot. To even go toilet sef, na wahala. For the first couple of days, I just dey shake for bed. My throat just dry like say na desert dey inside. The kain fear wey dey grip me sef, I no fit describe. So na so I for just die like dat? I for just fly like monkey, enter hell fire straight? Rashidi knocked the door taya, I no gree open. First, him dey try make the tin funny; I no gree. Second, he beg me; I still no gree. Next day, he come back say Agbowo dey find me for park o; I still no answer am. Last-last, he go call Sikira.

Sikira knock my door like say na elephant wan enter. Immediately I heard the knock, I knew it was her. I just jumped from the bed and crouched in one corner. See me o; correct omo-ita, with all the madness in my head: na two women come dey make me fear like dis! Sikira bang the door taya, I no gree open. E remain small make d door comot sef, still I just kpeme for the room.

“TJ, e no go better for your papa o! Your mama go get seven accident! Obatala go quench your grandmamma!!! Sopona go wound your grandpapa for farm!!! TJ, open dis door now!!”

She curse me taya, I no gree. She curse all my family, curse my grandparents, my cousins, my friends. She curse everybody wey know me; she curse everybody wey owe me money and those wey I owe money. She curse all the conductors wey I dey collect money from. She curse all the passengers wey dey enter their bus. She curse everybody, still I no gree comot. Because this Sikira, na to kill me remain for am.

It took Agbowo to get me out of the room. Two weeks had passed and I was still in the room. I only went out during the night to use the toilet. Na d garri wey dey my room I just dey manage drink. Agbowo did not even knock. He just spoke.

“Taju, open dis door now-now!”

The voice be like bomb. I rush open d door kia-kia.

“Ah, Baba, na you!”

He let himself into the room quietly. I hurriedly closed the door behind him.

“So, na because of woman you no wan come park again abi? U dey craze!” One big slap land for my eye. I wan shout but I no fit.

“Sit down,” Agbowo commanded.

The kain talk wey dis man follow me talk dat day, even my papa neva talk am before. He spoke to me like someone who was more than a father; someone superior to a father. He talk better sense into my kolo head.

I went to the park that day.


9:15am
It was like they were welcoming a king! The bastards lined up with sniggers on their faces. They smiled as they shook my hand, a smile that revealed more than they were saying. Once in a while, I’ll hear “flying monkey!” and I would spin around to kill the bastard that said it and everyone would start laughing. Or in their pseudo-conversation:
“Ah, you no watch dat match between Man U and Chelsea? Var der Saar just dey fly like monkey!”
Another false conversation:
“Lai-lai! I fit bet my salary on am! Monkey fit fly faster than bird!”
Ok, I get it, you bastards!


2:13pm

My first shift don end. I dey under the shed dey relax with Mufu and Rashidi. Agbowo seat one corner dey drink stout. His transistor radio dey blast “Ori e o f’oka sibe!” I was almost dozing when I felt the sky grow darker. Kilode? I opened my eyes and there in front of me, looking as radiant as ever, was Bolatito! Tito baby! I scrambled to my feet and made to run. My heart jumped against my ribcage. Mufu and Rashidi too also backed off.
“Teeeee-Jaaay!”
The way she said my name was so silky! Kai!
“Tj, abeg no run from me, I no be witch.”
I no fit talk.
Slowly, she came towards me and knelt at my feet holding on to my legs. Kai! Dis gal dey fall my hand o! There were tears in her eyes.
“TJ, abeg make I explain.”
And explain she did. She told me how she had been trying to get in touch with me but hear say I no come park. And she dey fear make she come my house. But today she hear say I don come park. (Kai, did they announce my return on radio??!!) She also explained how she had gone back home to find out about what happened and discovered it was her aunty she had been living with in Ekiti that put the magun on her. The woman had always accused her of being a flirt, when na boys dey always chase am and she no dey give them face.
In short, as she dey talk, she dey rub my knee, my calf, my feet. Her face was pressed against my belly! Chei! Before I know, my agidi don disappear. Meself come dey pet am. I dey smile like fish, dey talk nonsense. Tito gave me a look that was suggestive and I catch the look quick-quick. As I approached Agbowo to ask for permission to go home, he just smiled and shook his head.
Before you fit say “God-punish-Flying-Monkey” we don reach house!
Baba Odeku was outside the house fixing something in his bus. He jumped when he saw us together!
“TJ! Tito! You people again?”
“Baba, no worry everything dey kampe.”
“Kampe ke?” He looked at Tito.
Tito nodded. “Dem don remove am for village, Baba.”
Baba Odeku just shook his head. Idiot man! Because he just save me one-time, he think say he be my papa?
Tito and I practically dragged each other into my room. We tore at each other’s clothes as we landed on the bed.

[[Parental Guidance: Text not visible to readers under 50]]


We lay on the bed exhausted, but with enough energy to go again. Indeed, the tin no dey for her body anymore! I no crow like cock. I no drink water like fish. I no fly like money again!

Slowly, with Tito’s caress, I felt my thing dey rise again. Tito gripped my tin for hand, press am tight! I winced but the pain dey pleasurable. Slowly, I felt her body slide down mine and her mouth felt wet and silky on my thing! Kai! Sikira never do dis one before o!!! In fact nobody ever do me dis one before! Ah, na wetin dem dey call blow-job be dis?? The enjoyment dey too much, I just dey scream like lunatic. But next thing na:

Gbam!!!

The remaining things happen for slow motion:

The door burst open. (We no even remember lock am!) Sikira stood there with her mouth wide open! Her breasts heaved like a locomotive. She looked at my face then at Tito. Tito’s mouth was still on the tip of my koboko. The look of terror on her face was almost edible. Nobody moved for like 10seconds. We were all just too shocked. But, like the tiger she is, Sikira was the first to pounce. With a fierce cry, she dealt Tito a blow across the face. Tito scattered into one corner. She jumped on me and grabbed my thing, pinching and squeeze my balls!

“Yeeeeeeeeepaaaaaaaaaaa!!!” My scream must have reached up to heaven for Baba Odeku flew in moments later.
“Sikira, stop am!!!”
“Ah!!! I go comot this him yeye thing today!!!!”
But Sikira no wan stop o; she just dey drag me around the room with my thing. I would jerk and she would pull. She would pinch and I’d jerk back. Like we were in an accursed pantomime. She had murder in her eyes. Sadly, my thing refused to go down; the bastard was still erect! And dat intensified the pain!
Baba Odeku pleaded with Sikira, she no gree o. When he tried to wrestle my thing from her grip, the pain only increased. I screamed harder.

It was Tito that would finally rescue me.

She found one big stick wey I dey use kill rat. With her veins straining against her skin, she nack d stick for Sikira head!

Gbosaaaa!!! I even heard a crack. The stick or Sikira’s head?

Sikira slumped to the floor. My thing shrank instantaneously. Baba Odeku put his hands on his head.

“Yeeeepa!!! You don kill am!! You don kill am o!” The bastard man was jumping up and and down like a puppet. Tito ran to me and held me tight, her eyes wide with fear. We all stood back as if a taboo was in front of us. Me, I wanted to shrink into the wall! Wetin I go talk for police station? Say my girlfriend kill my girlfriend? Which kain yeye story be dat!

Baba Odeku was surprisingly the first person to recover. “E be like say she never die o,” he said cautiously. He moved towards her and put his head on her juicy breasts.

“Her heart dey beat.”

Hallelujah! But the bastard man no comot him head o. The idiot was tapping current! Agbaya!

Like those zombies do in those movies, Sikira stretched out her hands, from the dead, and grabbed Baba Odeku’s neck!!! Both of them screamed with different purposes.

Tito and I grabbed our clothes and raced out of the house! Our screams were with single purpose!


TBC...


--------------------------------------

*I said Tuesday, abi no be so? Dis na Tuesday na!

*Public announcement: I just got married to a new wife! Temite! My elder wives -- Bumight, LG, Rayo -- abeg treat am well o!

Labels: , , , ,

posted by FineBoy Agbero at 12:49 AM

96 Comments:

Im first!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah

January 20, 2009 at 1:29 AM  

hahahaha...... uve been nabbed!!!!!! so Tito is free.... ope o! hmm, come and finish this story jo...... ahn ahn, Tito get action o, at least sikira should have watched ur round 2 before she attacked.... hmm, y didnt u invite her to join and say thats what oyinbo people do on tv...lmao

January 20, 2009 at 1:33 AM  

Funms, shd't u be asleep! I'm supposed to be first!!!

Anyway, FBA, thank God oh! Finally an update. I just admonished you on miz cynics blog!

January 20, 2009 at 2:00 AM  

see, i said it! so u want sikira to break my head like bolatito own abi? see, thats why i didnt answer u at the garage! schew!

and what new wife did u marry? TEMITE, IF YOU LOVE YOUR LIFE, U BETTER RUN...AND DONT LOOK BACK!

new wife ko, new housegirl ni!

January 20, 2009 at 2:20 AM  

ha, mizchif...sleep ke? at 7:30pm..... im enjoying the inauguration frenzy jare

January 20, 2009 at 2:50 AM  

Haha,
Dem don catch you!!

January 20, 2009 at 3:44 AM  

Hmmm, na wa o, FBA, u no go rest until u die abi!

Temite, sorry oh, na harem u wan join. A harem that has Bum of awesome might...hmmmmmmm.....

Funms, for some reason, i thot u were in jand!

January 20, 2009 at 4:10 AM  

ahahn! FBA! only u! after magun, u still climb on top tito! ehn, is all good sha. but wetin una dey think wen u no lock door. Now u have angered Sikira!

Oya come back and tell us wat sikira did to baba odeku!

January 20, 2009 at 4:31 AM  

Funms, wth? how u take do am? lol!!

FineboyA, welcome back. u've been missed. this is another hilarious blog. As Funms suggested- u shld have told Sikira to join u guys.

January 20, 2009 at 5:46 AM  

'Fba u wan try me abi??? ok naa' make i c any termite 4 dis haus;
'Rayo berra warn ya friend o'i nor kno why all des smal gals no dey take eye c anoda pesin husban'??
:-

January 20, 2009 at 8:34 AM  

Almost first!!!!

Dang that was good...hahahhaha..Siki show the cheating monkey jare.....

January 20, 2009 at 9:34 AM  

lol! FBA na wetin! you sef no try o...I just dey laff dey go ni sha!

January 20, 2009 at 10:12 AM  

i am tempted to join sikira nd curse u. oniranu. sikira 4 kill u, ashewo oshi. temite, welcome, ur iyales r waitin nd i heard instead of coming to his bedroom every two weeks na once in a month i go dey go now. ok oh, nothing spoil, avenue 4 me to do my own runs now.

January 20, 2009 at 10:54 AM  

Where have I been since!? This is absolutely ingenious. I love the sheer beauty of your language. You are a mad person I swear to God.

I ve been laffing.... i havent read the older posts but I will. This is very good.

January 20, 2009 at 11:04 AM  

I'm so smiling at my laptop! trying hard to keep from laughing out loud to avoid getting into trouble.
This is good.
Adventures of the flying monkey. Waiting for the rest...

January 20, 2009 at 11:20 AM  

You must be a crazy fellow.

Dude, this is so funny.

January 20, 2009 at 11:48 AM  

Dude, you must be a crazy fellow.

this is so funny.

January 20, 2009 at 11:49 AM  

Fine boy agbero, na wa 4 u sef.
U still had to have tito again. What on earth will you do with sikira?

I hear say Oshodi don clear, u boy still dey that side?

January 20, 2009 at 12:57 PM  

so u don marry temite sharp sharp...babe wey be say na me introduce u to am...u wan marry her lofelofo without rogering me the alarina....god go punish u and as for u temite ....ranti omo eni ti iwo nse and pasan tan fi na iyale on be laja fun iyawo naa.

why dem no go hold ur thn.....wen u go dey put am for all and sun dry. nonsense...taa na ba ja loko bio nsewo.

January 20, 2009 at 12:58 PM  

by the way for no yoruba speaking peeps tht means ...wu dem for tear in JT if no be flyin monkey.

January 20, 2009 at 1:04 PM  

This comment has been removed by the author.

January 20, 2009 at 2:32 PM  

*clapping*...this boy you get skill o! see how you just dey write like fire...

eya why you do sikira like dat? see how man dey forget quick...tito body dis..tito caress dat

temite berra be careful..e be like say you dey quick forget person wey you dey luff y'sterday for the one who dey grip your tin for hand...if say i be sikira i for show you pepper...well well...screaming with single purpose ko!!!

nice
nice
very nice FBA

January 20, 2009 at 2:33 PM  

where on earth have I been?
Let me register first, then come back to read...ha ha ha!

Welcome back Mr. one year one blogpost

January 20, 2009 at 5:05 PM  

Guy man ever since i started reading ur blog i got hooked......na real palava u hold for hand now o...two chikatos dey fight on top u.....Efrebo u go wound o!

January 20, 2009 at 5:09 PM  

Kai, you don cause katakata again. Nice one, I just hope Sikira will recover on time.

"Hallelujah! But the bastard man no comot him head o. The idiot was tapping current! Agbaya!"
...hahaha!

Pls don't wound me with laughter agbero.

January 20, 2009 at 5:17 PM  

ok. me im lost, probably need to read the whole blog to get the gist

January 20, 2009 at 6:10 PM  

Hehehe...cracked me up, will go and read the previous posts...!

January 20, 2009 at 7:26 PM  

FBA , now i know say u be correct casanova, how u go near Bolatito again i no know, i wish say u crow like chicken again...lol. I no like wetin u do sikira o after all the gal don do for u.
Abeg come update i hope say Sikira break baba Odeku head abi wetin she do?

January 20, 2009 at 9:27 PM  

* Excuse me while i wipe the tears from my eyes* That is probably the funniest thing i've read in a while...okay i'm off to read previous posts and get myself a second helping of laughter

January 20, 2009 at 11:36 PM  

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"“TJ, e no go better for your papa o! Your mama go get seven accident! Obatala go quench your grandmamma!!! Sopona go wound your grandpapa for farm!!! TJ, open dis door now!!”"

that was funny as hell

I am definitely coming back

January 20, 2009 at 11:48 PM  

My dear Husband.
How are you? I hope you are well o. I gat one kain mad luff for you o.
To my iyales
Bumight - Una no fit do nuthing. This is my husband. He has given my people their rights o. I am his wife o. Una no fit do me nothing.

LG - Madam first wife. again Una bring your worse o. I go show you pepper for this house. My own pass your own. Me I gat crace o. My crace pass bumight's, rayo's and Sikira's sef. No mess with me o. I am his wife now.

Rayo - We both should do something about these two iyales talking nonsense. Ese gan o iyale mi atata. I think say you and me go be tight friends o.

My husband - There are rules in these new marriage o. NO more new wives o. No more. If una bring your ashewo ways into our house. I no go hold your kini only... I go tear it off and fling it pass oshodi market. Una warn yourself o.
written by Mrs. Fineboy Agbero.

January 21, 2009 at 1:59 AM  

LMAO!!! Abeg FBA no take laftee woundjure me jor... wetin sikira do baba Odeku? O geee. Pls comeback ASAP!

January 21, 2009 at 5:13 AM  

It Is Well ...
While You're Having Monkey House Of Commotion With The Garage Ladies.
The Addition Of Temite To Your Wifery Arsenal Has Certified A Fuji House Of Commotion On Blogville.
Intriguing Saga Unfolding On Both Frontiers.
*Hands On My Chin*

January 21, 2009 at 5:57 AM  

u write so well, dear. too well! am in awe

January 21, 2009 at 8:38 AM  

Funms: hmm, u be correct chic o! Threesome abi wetin dem dey call am? Nice idea… will think about it!!!

Mizchif: ah pele o. Funms stole ur shine! Thanx for d admonition jare. Na ppl like u make me update! And no discourage my wife o. This na FBA House of Happiness!

Bumight: Iyawo, na bcos u no answer me for garage na why I take anoda wife be dat!!! And wetin u fit do? Leave my new sweet potato alone!!! U hear???

NDQ: I taya for these ladies o!

Just…Toluwa: Na only me fit now! Emi ekun! Na my papa I resemble!

Tigress: na so o! I dey consider her advice seriously!

LG: U no say I dey respect u well well as first wife. I dey respect u o! but if u touch my Sweet Potato, Sango no go settle dis fight o. Let peace reign in dis house abeg! And besides, this thing no dey finish now?

Afrobabe: Almost o! Ehn? Na me be cheatin monkey abi?

NoLimit: Thanx jare, padi mi!

Rayo: U? Curse me ke? Ah, u wan hear story o! U don forget d day wey I come pick u for Abule Muwonleru? No be wrapper u dey tie? I carry come city now u dey pose! Anyway, u try sha wey u welcome my Sweerie, otherwise…

Jaja: I think I dey mad too…

SHE: No enter trouble o, abeg! U’re welcome!

Aloofar: abi o…

Oluwadee: ah, as dem talk am, na forbidden fruit det taste sweetest o. thanx for ur concern jare; my boys dey intacta! Na only market ppl dem fit comot for Oshodi now. Dem no born dem papa well to comot us! Na we get Lagos! Eko o ni baje!

Miz-cynic: Yeepa!!! I be sharp man now! Ok, how much u wan collect as egunje since na u do d alarina work? And no give bad advice to my wife o! nobody dey beat am with cane for hia! So, u wan make dem “ja mi loko” abi? God dey o….

Shubby baaaaby! Thanks jare! And no worry, I dey kampe. Sikira no fit do nothing! Ok, let me whisper to u how d story be. (I am a polygamist!) NO tell anybody o!

Yewande mi! Welcome jare. Where have u been? Nothin dey happen for ur side o, kilode? No worry abt Sikira, I go treat am well…

Omo Ekun: thank u jare, lion pikin! No worry; I get “odeechi”. I no go wound jo!

Uzezi: ha, pele! Find ur way abeg! And so sorry o; for thinking u’re a guy!

Writefreak: Happenings, baby! thanks jare! Sorry say I no dey too drop comments for ur side. It’s somtin abt dat template…

Laughter: No worry jare. We all go settle dis tin. Hmm, I cant give u expo on Baba Odeku now o…

Confessions: eyah, dat’s so sweet!!! Thanks for comin around! In case u need me and my boys to settle any wahala for u, na free of charge o!!

Olamild: Welcome jare! Thank u plenty plenty!

Temite Sweerrrie: Oh, my baby! My Sweet Potato! The only Mrs FBA! The only termite in my wardrobe! D only paraga for my stomach! U too much jo! I like d way u put ur iyales in their place! O se jare! Ah, new rules ke? Well, na u now; anytin for u baby! No worry, dis our romance go sweet well well.

Nefertiti: make I no woundjure u!!! no worry, I dey comeback now now!

Pinkyandbrain: come on, norrin dey happen!!! This na FBA House of Happiness!

FFF: awww, dat's so sweet! thanks jare!!!

January 21, 2009 at 8:40 AM  

@Temite
Prepare for the challenges in Agbero House of Commotion. Well, no shaking.

@Fineboy Agbero
I hope Lagos is still convenient for your ticketing job in spite of this Fashola & Mopol wahala. How u dey? So your new year resolution is to add more to your concubines. Well, prepare for one more cos I just dey 'gbadun' you o!

Abeg update on time about Sikira versus Bolatito jare.

January 21, 2009 at 12:24 PM  

FBAAAAAAAAAA!

LOL...i no fit shout..pls make dem no sack me for office o..this one that i dey grin like christmas goat...

but u no do Sikira well o...e no good o..lol

January 21, 2009 at 1:51 PM  

You don crow like cock, drink like fish abi? Wetin monkey dey do sef, na shout abi na hala em dey do? Any tin wey monkey dey do, na em be your next bus stop.

January 22, 2009 at 12:21 AM  

lmao, wow. hillarious.. wherer is d rest? complet it sharply.mizchif was review of r blog was spot on

January 22, 2009 at 12:46 AM  

bros, u r one crazy dude. beautifully written piece.

January 22, 2009 at 9:36 AM  

lmao!

happy new year fine boy agbero.

January 22, 2009 at 8:02 PM  

It's my first time here and i had to read all your old posts. i love your very fertile imagination. Magun?you didn't!! sikira sounds like my kind of woman. pity she didn't get her hands on you though. hilarious!please do finish the story, poor Baba odeku.

January 22, 2009 at 9:08 PM  

my gurlfriend killed my gurlfriend.lol


see as i js dey laff like pesin wey no get job..u sef...pesin wey get magun u still go climb am..even if dem don remove am...serves u right..dem go still break ur head...

January 23, 2009 at 1:11 AM  

Temite; darling, we can join nd poison this fellow sha, o.k i kno u r not ready 4 dat yet but babe u r one yeye girl oh. no mo girlfriends ke, u met people here nd be sure more shall come afta u

January 23, 2009 at 4:20 PM  

fine, u don take another wife. enjoy am well well cos when i go pull out my own joker, no say i no warn u o!

January 23, 2009 at 9:46 PM  

ok this is defo worth the wait...looooool! hilarious!!

I think you should quit the agbero job and become a writer... lool

January 24, 2009 at 2:54 AM  

Hmmm...
The first thing I did was bookmark this page...
So, FBA, u don dey neglect LG and Rayo because of new wife, eh?
E no good, oh?
Wait first, who be senior wife ntw Rayo and LG?

January 26, 2009 at 12:26 PM  

Hahahaha! Na wetin u deserve be dat..u come add temite on top, abeg no risk my sweetheart's life o!

On the real dude, u deserve an award..no wonder it takes u milleniums to update..pure genius!

January 26, 2009 at 2:16 PM  

@severus snape: which kain neco question be dat???
WHO SUPPOSE be 1ST WIFE???? :)

January 26, 2009 at 5:44 PM  

Fine boy Agbero,
First time here o. Wonders will never end o.
Me I just land 4 9ja after almost 20 years for Iya Charlie country o, and dem don clear Oshodi and now I dey read u and your commentaries on Temite and poor Sikira...Up 9ja o.

So when Agbero the movie dey come out?

As I dey compose this leter, na soso red line dey follow all my letters. Wetin now?

Fantastic. Hilarious. I can't wait for more....the plug for 'Agbero the movie' has already started.

January 27, 2009 at 9:16 AM  

Yewande: Ah, abeg, no scare my new wife o. Nothin dey happen. And about the new wife kini, hmmm, no make my new wife hear you o. She say no more new wives after her!

Aloted baby: No worry dem no fit sack u. dem no born dem mama well! If dem sack u, just call me; we go scatter dat ya office.

Emeka: Kai! Bros, u harsh o! U no even fit sympathize with a fellow crook?

Xena!!! The rest dey come o jare!

Black 007: thanx bruv!

Darkelcee: happi nu yr too! Where have u been sef?

‘sola: thanx for stopping by o. don’t be a stranger. Will finish d story ASAP!

XSN: why u dey insult me now? U know say I know where to block u? u no safe o!

Rayo: shut ya mouth there! No talk to my sweerie like dat! And u wan poison me? Na Ayilala go fire dat ya mouth!

Bumight: Now, don’t go and do sometin rash o! don’t pull any yeye joker for anywhr! If I see any boy 1000km near u, na castrate I go castrate am!

Latifa: thanx jare! Quit d job and become a writer ke? Writers no dey get better money like agbero now!

Severus Snape: thank u jare! Dis na d order of my wives: LG na my first wife, Bumight comes a close second, Rayo and then my dear loving Temite. Rayo dey mess up so I tink I will promote Temite…

Burracup: Thanks jare. Norrin dey happen! Award ke? Money go follow am???

LG: my senior wife, welcome o. Nice reply to dat Hogwarts teacher!

Jide Salu: Hmm, the agbero movie… I will def think about it! Thanx for stopping by!

January 27, 2009 at 10:09 AM  

hahahahahaha Dem don catch u

January 27, 2009 at 1:20 PM  

Agbero,

Wetin u mean? How can Temite be the only new wife. Abeg tell her to shift for me, afterall LG and Bumight did dat for her.

Tell her your 'kini' is not for just one person. And you're not breaking history because Masaba who is not even as rugged as u are is enjoying 86 chics.

January 28, 2009 at 9:23 AM  

Great work FBA...
You should write a book..
I'm still reading ur story..But I love it so far..

And I will love 2 marry u..so tell dos babes to shift..make way...Make way gals...

I want to chop from ur "A DAY MONEY"

So come takia of me... I will give u TLC & hmmmmm wella

January 29, 2009 at 3:20 AM  

EHN!!!!!!!!
ehn!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wetin be all this.
@Yewande Atanda - dem no fit born your mother. Chei. I go do you something o. dem no fit born you sef. Get your husband snatching hands from here o. Me I no dey joke o. I no dey joke like LG, like Bumight, like Rayo. My own crace pass yours o. Get your hands away from my husbands KINI o. Before I cut that your hand away. Me I no dey play o. Before I go and visit a BABA for your case. No play with me o. Orunmila na my uncle, Sango na my stepfather. Ifa na my granddadi. No joke wif this o. You this little girl are playing wif fire.

@Spicytee - you wan that your spice to choke you ni. pekele pekele arugbo jegbese tani o san. TLC ko KFC ni. I beg take ya ashewo sef away from my matrimonial home. You no fit give am nothing. I gat all the TLC he will ever want o. I know say you be small girl, and like a good senior babe, I will give you advice. Dont come back hia. If you come back here, chei, it no go well for you o. If you come back hia, na yoursef you go blame after I am done with you. No play wif me o. Please I have warned you now. Person no fit blame me for this blogville after I am done with you.

@My sweet baby - Warn this little girls away from our house o. If dem no want trouble, make dem stay away from my husband o. Baby, you no say I luff you. This our luff go rise pass mountain. This our luff go last forever ni.

January 30, 2009 at 12:18 AM  

Story..
No sweet thing good for one person.
Me too I wan chop am..

I want FBA..I love FBA..I need FBA
I'm dreaming of FBA.Hmmmmmmmm
And u no fit do me meme...

Me and you don put leg for one sokoto.. Bring it on..
I aint going anywhere..I'm stuck pa
You can bring down d roof.I dont care.
No try me with d shakara wey u give Yewande..Me I be gbogbo mads gals. So no try me oh.Just let us enjoy FBA 2gether.

January 30, 2009 at 12:56 AM  

@Spicytee - e gba mi o. I don die for dis blogville. wetin be all this. You luff wetin. you luff who. that your head is not correct sha. Orunmila o. Chei chei, see me see touble o. My people, una see wetin this little one come dey yarn for here. Shey you no like yaself ni? You wan chop wetin, na dat food go choke you. HA! Emi lo ban soro like dis and dat. You no fit try am. you no fit lai lai. ehn god will punish you for your wickedness. ehn. Seize and desist o before I go and visit the babas on your behalf. I was jejely trying to give you a soft hand and direct your misguided sef away from my matrimonial home and you come dey jump up and down. Una no let me come correct fo your yansh o. This is not your home and you are going to go back to where you came from. chei!
People of blogville, please help me tell this nonsense spicy person o.

January 30, 2009 at 1:29 AM  

Nutin u fit do..
I don tell u bring it on..
Go rally all ur baba..Me sef full house for you..kai Alada ni kan je.
Na only short time I wan do b4..But bcos u dey shout..I dey rock FBA till death do us part.
Is either u take style accept am or go jump in d lagoon.
I'm here to stay boo.
Accept me jeje,make e no be like say, na u go leave d house 4 me.
Enuf well said...

January 30, 2009 at 2:11 AM  

ehn ehn ehn. shey you still dey shine mouth for inside my husband's house. You too dey shine mouth o. Ok na you sabi o. You wait and see. just wait ans see and let me come correct for this e-city. Forever wetin, a ni, o to bee. won bieda to bee. Omoya. MA shey sege fun e. Na me go leeve wetin house. dat ya mouth sef...ehn, you are going to regret that. Awon aye is not going to chase me fo my husband house and you are not staying. ehn you will not stay. wait and see, you berra go and call all your babas, because this wahala you have put yaself in, no be small o. no be small.
Husband of mine, sheey you dey sleep and u no dey hear this silly spicy person come dey talk yeye for our house. Una warn am o.

January 30, 2009 at 2:24 AM  

Yeepa! Mo da ran!!! Wetin be all these fight na???

Me I go kuku run away from the house, go take vacation till all dis wahala finish o!

Temite, I no say u be correct Mrs Finegurl Agbero, but take am easy with dis small-small girls now. No scare dem away o! U know say na only u be my sweet potato...

Spicy: Ahn-ahn? I wan consider u b4 o but u come dey fight with my one and only? No do dat now. Oya beg am. U know say she fit be ur iyale very soon...

January 30, 2009 at 10:56 AM  

@FBA...Ok..Bale wa.
I will beg her now..

@ Temite..
Iyale mi owon..
A fa mi mora now..
I will help u treat our husband very well..
You know d job is too much.
That why I want to assist u..Okay I'll let you do Monday-Wednesday..So I can do d rest..Ah..am I fair?..Ok I will do d reverse...

I just love our husband too much and thats why I want to come into ur happy house..Pls allow me now..
I will be ur dutiful wife. And after me sef..No other babe go enter d house. I promise u.

January 30, 2009 at 7:01 PM  

@Temite weeping quietly - My Husband - is this how you are going to do me. Ehn. Please see what kind of pain our love has caused me. My friend Bumight no wan be friends again and you sef dey talk say I am going to be iyale. All of blogville dey call me husband snatcher. This one wey you talk no good at all o.
Wipes tears and gets angry
In fact make you try am. make you try am. Na dat your kini orunmila fit have for him dinner tonight. Ha, you go see o. U sef go suffer. Make you try am. Olorun ma gba alejo meji loni. Ma wo mi niran.
@Spicy thief - back to sender. Oti ri oko re se. You have not found yourhusband. Look at this olo, husband snatcher talking schedule. Na ifa go schedule ya ass. Monday ko, lundi ni. HA. In fact I am going to the baba today today.
I know what I will ask Baba to do, go and ask Tito. Watch and learn. You sef hunsband, if una no want another case of flying ape, no try am.

January 30, 2009 at 9:30 PM  

FBA...Se u see now...
Me I've begged her as you've said..
But she still proving stubborn.
FBa..talk 2 her...
No sweet thing is good for one person oooooooooooo

January 31, 2009 at 12:56 AM  

Ahhhh! My dear Temite! I no talk say I wan marry am o! Na just "if" i talk!
No worry; nobody it spoil dis our love! Lailai!

January 31, 2009 at 10:29 AM  

LOL, i was reading at werk and almost choked trying not to laugh too loud. How do u come up with these stories.

February 2, 2009 at 2:46 PM  

agberoooo nooo i want to be ur first wifeyyyyy I am in love with uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

February 3, 2009 at 8:13 PM  

cani have ur mail add pls post ur mail add i really add u up pulezzzzzzzzzzzzz i love ur sense of humourrrrrrrrrrrrrr


ur sexiest mama paraga:)

February 4, 2009 at 2:48 AM  

FBA darling.. I'm missing you..
Come to my crib..
I'm waiting..

February 4, 2009 at 4:45 AM  

goodness,u be proper agbero true true.God

February 4, 2009 at 10:20 AM  

Fineboi...bawo ni?kilode?where u go--i don dey miss u*u don give me sleepless night...fineboi introduce me as the newest wifey cuz i don ready for this commotion...baby fineboi i miss ya...dont ya?come garage tonight o i dey miss u i get news for ya...pulezz warn ur ELESE SHA SHA N GELE wives o make dem shine their eyez oo i no send them oo ma je IGO OROBO lori anybory ooo

February 4, 2009 at 12:07 PM  

FBA-U re more than a crazy fellow!

great write -up bt i'm sure u won't be able to handle d luv scandal u re getting d ladies involved in!

ve bn around o!

February 4, 2009 at 5:17 PM  

LOL!!!

Hahahahahaha.

FBA, I cant imagine your pain. Sebi the pain don go? If not, you need 2 soak am for hot water. Then make you use iron sponge scrub am well well.

Tell me how it goes!

February 5, 2009 at 9:38 PM  

lol! bumight don run go o! see as your house dey fall

February 7, 2009 at 2:33 AM  

husband snatcher @spicy abi na wetin dem call u?u want turn tasteless abi?the battle line has just been drawn ooo fineboi u be yeye man ooo i no even get ya time make i deal with these women wey no get shame before i pay u ONI RANU,UR HEAD NEFA TELL U THE THING WEY HIN WANT OOO...I GO EVEN CHOP OFF YA *kini*case dismissed ......Fineboi u want cheat me abi cuz u know i be iliterate?i no fit read well well ,i no fit write WELL u want cheat me...OBATALA OOOOO.If u know sey na ur real papa born u fineboi call me with kia kia effect....oniranu,ashawo,olojukokoro,dont worry oo this time na PRICK thunderbolt,UR PRICK GO JUST STANDSTILL u go run from sapele to lagos...rubishh KMT(slams the door)MY FATHER NA OBATALA,MY MAMA NA OYA UNA GO SEE TROUBLE..REAL WAHALA I GO DESCEND ON U ALL(including finest himself)
whispering:fine make u goon exile oo if u love ya self......*******

February 7, 2009 at 1:26 PM  

Ha, the husband fight continues here I see...

February 7, 2009 at 4:14 PM  

Sikirat or wetin be ur name..
U better not start with me...
Anything that is good is never good 4 one person...Me too I must touch,taste and feel FBA national cake..

My FBA darling..How re u doin?
Rgds 2 my Iyale Temite..Tell her I miss her..But I miss u more..

February 8, 2009 at 6:15 PM  

its sikirat..spicey ur toying with FAYA !!!
with that ur coca fanta face?dont worry when I am done redesigning ur face with punches u go find ur level!!!

February 8, 2009 at 10:00 PM  

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
But why not let Sikira join in??..lol..

February 11, 2009 at 4:24 PM  

WOW, FBA all this fighting, from sikira to tito to blogville wives..how you go do am?..Anyway its not easy being a Fine Boy Agbero

beautiful story...got to go listen to " ori e o foka sibe" now

February 12, 2009 at 2:07 AM  

My FBA darling..
Its Valetine ooo
Where re u...
I've got ur val gift and a poem 4 u...
It's always you I'm thinking about,
always you I want to hold,
always you I need to touch.
And all the memories I cherish most,
are those of you.

Time goes by quickly in your arms,
only to crawl when we are apart.
Long days drag,
and the fantasies I make
rarely burn with lust and desire,
only fueled by deprivation and distance.

The afternoon sunshine is warm on my face,
but even butterflies that spread their wings
around me cannot take my mind off of you.

Touches I can't wait to feel,
soft caresses I long to give.
They only keep me in suspense
as time wears on.

The day's sunset blazes against a darkening sky
and I remember our inside jokes
and our long walks
and your hand in mine.

Nights falls upon the world,
and my heart breaks even more.
Memories flood over me as the moon rises overhead,
casting its clean white light over me,
only to accentuate the emptiness next to me.

The stars rise and flicker above me,
I gaze up at them, thinking of what sky
you may be seeing.
I lay alone in my warm, familiar bed,
talks from the past echoing through my mind.
I smile and close my eyes,
your soft voice calming me.

Missing you is delayed
as I lay in the night's darkness,
memories of you still linger about
in my sleepy mind.

I wish on every star each night,
knowing already that only the passage of time
would grant us each other, once again without temite,sikirat,bumight and all dos anonymous wahala.. I love u tori,torun..Happy Valentine's Day my only FBA..Kisses.

February 13, 2009 at 4:47 AM  

Yeeepa!!!

February 13, 2009 at 9:51 AM  

spicyt' if i brake dat ya thin legs, cmon comot 4 hia shior'
*hands on hips* Haba' des girls no go lef my 'fabama for me' Wetinnnn???? :)

February 13, 2009 at 1:29 PM  

Spicey ur in lust 'stewpid house gurl like u???maga mugun...writting jagons to get my man....that yeye lust go scatterlize that ur brain wey u take compose that gibberish....OSHISKO!!!FINEBOI UR VAL DATE IS HERE(WALKS IN LIKE THE REAL SIKIRAT ELASTIC AYA FINBOI OF OJOTA GARAGE)

February 14, 2009 at 2:12 AM  

jealousy jealousy..
Na him dey worry u..
Bad belle..na u dey worry..
FBA darling.. I enjoyed spending Val dayh in ur sweet arms.Love u

February 15, 2009 at 2:13 AM  

i see this place turned into somn else..nawa o..make una no kill fba o!

February 17, 2009 at 12:24 PM  

Am stil tryin to pick myself off d ground where I fell while laughin.....dude u r hilarious!!

Abeg finish d story oo..I'm nw officially ur fan!!

February 17, 2009 at 5:37 PM  

Ode! the first flying monkey no do u, i cannot even believe u went back to sample Tito again! o n pe ki Sikira to fo ori e ka si be...mchew

i just allowed the story to carry me away...lol, when are u going to compile ur stories?

ur harem is growing o FBA, keep it up, at this rate, even Agbowo will bow to u.

February 17, 2009 at 8:57 PM  

Free d boi na
U no knw say na forbidden fruit dey sweet pass..

Hmnn all dese fightin ova u FBA,I need blog wives too ooh...

February 20, 2009 at 10:59 AM  

see now, u guys have chased Temite away from blogville...mchewwwwww..

you..oya update..

February 21, 2009 at 8:44 PM  

this was too much. Ah, you alone get all these women for wife, eh? You be real agbero.

February 23, 2009 at 3:20 PM  

Ololufe, body no be wood o. I am missing you abeg, come and do your job o. before temptation sets in. kisses boo.

February 26, 2009 at 7:40 AM  

i seeeeeeeeeeeeeee Temite and Spicey stil day dreams...awon olodos....My husband..u kuku no I am not learned so I no sabi write well,i no sabi read...i no need make u update oo just come give me a nice massage....:)kissssssssssssssssss,loveeeeeeeeeee:)......ur sweetestangel Omosikiratu Arinpeolatonbiwon(temite,bumight,spicey n all my haters lol)ni nu Abeni

Sikirat :)

February 28, 2009 at 3:51 PM  

Jeez, why did it itake me so long to discover your blog. You had me cracking up. Well done, please keep up the big work.

March 22, 2009 at 2:20 AM  

even if i find it hard ro believe the Sikira-Tito roforofo fight saga, what about the one going on in blogsphere!
FBA, thread softly o.
congrats sha cos i dreamt dat u clinched 5 awards.

April 3, 2009 at 3:01 PM  

Kai, we beg u sotay last yr to update, then u leave us in suspense for more than two Tuesdays. Now Sikirat don catch u - u no dey shame, u still try that Tito again. Na wa for u o. Thn ur harem don increase for virtual life. Kai! U berra dey do jeje from now on o!
Thumbs up, FBA! ITs time to write your book o! I am a copywriter I can help you out!

April 7, 2009 at 10:24 AM  

I have this website its good.It cantains lots of information about work from home
WORK FROM HOME

April 13, 2010 at 7:34 AM  

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